Rants
Fluffy's Not Immortal
I can empathize with loving a pet, and with mourning its loss, but attempting to "resume" the pet's life via its exact genetic replica, which sadly will likely be named for its genetic donor, is not an acceptable method of coping with grief.
Mighty Anglophone (Baka Gaijin)
I frequently hear it said that non-anglophone immigrants to North America ought to learn the continent's official language.
Dark Horse I'd Ride
"Amy Lee can't sing!" One has only to listen to 'Hello,' the final bars in particular, to debunk that nonsense. Besides, it's not as if anyone who champions this claim has any greater talent, despite likely spending every weekend belting drunken karaoke from a bar table top.
Dissection of an Awful Website
The pictures section will be splattered with blurry webcam stills and badly-scanned photos, all resized to about 200 pixels each so that they would all fit in the page's terrible table construction. Of course, all of these will have been resized not manually with a graphics editor, but with HTML code
Sinvasion
What bothers me most is having sex shoved down my throat in a barrage of television advertisements for everything from yogurt to tampons to SUVs to herpes treatments. Never mind if the product has nothing to do with sex.
Bones, Not Beauty
To be frigid and unforgiving for a minute, bulimia is for lazy, insecure shits. Maybe if you spent more time on the treadmill and less time whining in pathetic online communities about what scraps of food you swallowed, you wouldn't be "fat."
Big Change
Refusing to accept $50 notes because some rotten ones have turned up is like keeping "terrorists" out of the United States by humiliating every poor Arab at the border with an anal-cavity search.
Anti-"Anti"
This banner was also clearly made in Windows Paint, as the red circle and slash demonstrate the use of the Spray Can tool by someone with the dexterity of roadkill. What's the matter, can't you use the Circle tool? I could have pissed this design more neatly!
Budget Telephone Tips
Please try to avoid calling from a cell phone in a pick-up truck speeding along the highway with your head out the window, music blaring from the stereo, and a screaming baby in your lap.
Satanic Breast
Yet, music television stations continue to play rap videos featuring clubs packed with sweaty women wearing bikini tops and hot pants hiked higher up their butts than I would have imagined possible.
Excuse My French
Recently, a total recall went on in video-game stores, during which every English-only box was ordered removed from the shelves and banned from sale.
Don't Hate Me 'Cause I'm Thin
Whenever I go to family functions, or friends' homes, there's always ... food I don't like, like potatos and cooked vegetables and pork chops. And when ... I politely decline any of these foods, I'm told it's good for me and I look like I don't eat enough and blah blah blah. How rude!
Bush Has No Case
Bush really has no case against Iraq that justifies attacking solely Iraq. Everything Iraq is guilty of, in his eyes, many other countries are also guilty of.
Final Announcement
"Within this message is encoded a small program that will located and debug your account when sent to fifteen other Hotmail users. If you do not send this message to fifteen Hotmail users within 24 hours of recieving this message, your account will be PERMANETLY SHUT-DOWN."
Natural Colours Only
For the job he's applying for, he's allowed to dye his hair "natural colours only" or not at all.
No One Definition
There isn't one definition for "rock." Just like there isn't one for "punk."
Colour Battle
Does anybody else find all the animosity between Avril Lavigne's fans and haters annoying and unnecessary?
Girl Power!
The feminist movement is not a neo-punk pop-culture cause geared for teenage females who only want out of it the excuse to wear whatever tiny article of clothing they can squeeze into that features a leggy cartoon girl and a half-baked male-bashing phrase.
Sex Can Wait
The message that should be being taught is not "wait for a common, specified, universal deadline."
Homophobes Suck
A person doesn't one day decide to become gay, sit down and stare at a picture of a naked member of their own sex for a long period of time to "train" themselves to be attracted to the model.
Smart Kids
Details of the business of losing one's virginity are personal, nobody else's business but that person's own, nobody else's place to tell that person what is "smart" for them and what is not.
Abstinence Only
Schools in forty-eight states can only receive government funding for sex-ed programs if they teach "abstinence only."